What would you do?

[Chris Stanley]

Just bear with me and think of things like this for a minute.

Put yourself in my place. You have a friend, someone you really care about and would do anything for. Someone that your really close friends with but at the same time someone that you want to be more than friends with. But this person already has someone else and had basically told you that they only see you as a friend and that even though you want something more, they just don't.

Now think that this person has given you a choice, to still be friends with them, which is what they want, even though you want more, or accept the fact that you just can't deal with only being friends and having to go through life always watching this person that you want so badly with someone else.

Now tell me, what would you do? How would you handle such a situation? And don't just jot down the first thought on your mind, really think about it. What would you do, walk away and try to move on or stick with it.

'Cause that's the question I've been trying to answer for over five years and I've got nothing so far. Either way it's not gonna be easy, and either way is gonna hurt. And add this little bonus, the friend you're trying to decide about, is the only real friend you have, you have no one to fall back on for support no matter what you choose. So if you were me, given this choice, what would you do?

Anyone, please, give it a shot. I'm open for advice.

- Chris

[Chris Stanley]

I just want you guys to know that the only reason I would even think to post something so personal on this board is because I really value your individual opinions. You all seem like very strong and very opinionated people and I thought rather than try to face this alone, I'd ask some of the friends I'd made, to see what they would do were they in my place. So please feel free to voice your opinion on this topic.

[Shadowcat]

Okay... I've been thinking about this all day today, and this is what I got so far.

I understand your situation. My best friend has been through this and confided in me. The way it was, she and this guy were always best friends. I could tell there was a "special chemistry" between the two of them immediately the moment I met them. They were always flirty, cuddling, wrapping their arms around each other every time I saw them. Well, my friend wanted something more, but the guy didn't. Despite all of his flirty actions, he said he just wanted to remain friends. At first, my friend tried to completely forget about him and didn't talk to him. But she was always constantly talking about him with me: wondering how he was doing, how he's feeling then, etc. As much as she tried, she couldn't stop talking or thinking about him. She eventually caved when he called her one time to talk about a problem he was having. I told her the reason she caved so quickly was that the strong feelings she has for him would never go away no matter how hard she tried to move on. So she decided to remain friends with him, despite her stronger feelings, and talks to him the chances she get.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I would encourage you to keep the friendship. Feelings this strong will never go away, but I think it would be difficult to go through your life without this person's companionship, even if it is just friendship. The reason I see for them wanting to remain friends is that one day they may need your help and would like you to be there. They truly value your friendship if they want you to stay. I know it will hurt, wanting them so much but just remaining friends, but I find it will be harder to walk away. Not to mention, it may hurt your friend who wants to remain friends with you, and I can tell you wouldn't want to do that.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy. To be honest, it perhaps will be the most difficult thing you'll ever do in your life. However, if I were in your place, I would still be friends with them especially if you feel they are the one real friend you have. It would be better to have a best friend who you can't be more than friends with than to be alone.

Anyway, this is my suggestion. I hope the very best for you and that everything works out. Let me know how it turns out.

[Chris Stanley]

Once again, a perfect example of why I thought it would be a good idea to post this on my boards. Another very strong and helpful opinion.

A lot of what you said about your friend is the way it is for me and Lynn. The whole flirty and playful thing. And like in your story, I tried walking away once before when things were at there worst. But one day I made a choice, I went up to her and talked to her and told me that if she needed anything, even just a friend to talk to she could call me. And this was after five months of not seeing each other. So mcuh like your friend, I'm the one who made contact first after being away for so long.

And I know that she really does value our friendship, even if it's hard for her to admit. The last time I told her I was leaving was really hard for both of us, but it was a slightly different circumstance. She had a boyfriend who was really jealous of me and always yelled at her for being friends with me. So in the interest of not pushing him to the point where he might hit her or worse, I told her I was leaving. And even though we both were crying and I could tell she wanted to stop me from going, she didn't, she just stood there and watched me walk away. When we started talking again five months later I thought maybe it was a second chance for me, she'd broken up with her boyfriend and was single again.

But then this new guy came along and I realized nothing had changed. The boyfriend is someone that I've met and that I actually like and he doesn't mind us being friends, but still it's not easy seeing them together. But I think you're right, leaving may be easier at first but in the long run staying woulc prove to be the better idea. I made a mistake by walking away the first time and if I don't learn from that mistake I may end up making another one. One that I can't take back. So you and Liz have convinced me to at least give this a chance for a while and see where it leads.

For a better explanation of the first time I walked away from her and why I came back, read some of the blogs on my MySpace page. They pretty much say it all.

Thank you, I appreciate you and Liz both taking the time to really put some thought into this and help me out. And don't worry, I'll keep you posted.

- Chris